Something to think about...

Well, first, Dad and Belinda were correct - It was Vladimir Putin's motorcade that I was able to see yesterday. Kind of cool. I want helicopters to follow me where ever I go :) And Skoobi, thankfully, seems back to normal today. Yeah!

Anyways, I haven't posted a serious blog in quite a while. So, I have decided to post a blog and hope to get some dialogue going. (Ok, is that how you spell dialogue? That's what it says at dictionary.com, but looks weird to me.) Well, let's get some conversation going :)

So, I received this email a few months back. If it came to you - how would you respond?

"No offense, but I think the Bible is the biggest problem with Christianity. There is just something about a 2000 year old doctrine that is constantly, like you said, misused to prove opinions, governing my personal beliefs, and way of life. I look at it like this. I don't murder people because I feel in my heart murder is wrong. Not because the Bible tells me so. I feel homosexuals are perfectly normal people, that live perfectly normal lives, and are not committing any sort of injustice religious or otherwise because of my interactions with gay people. A truly good person is capable of deciding what is right or wrong by using their own judgment. The Bible is a great guide line for that, but has many obvious flaws and has to be accepted as fallible. Not to mention that time, and information change the way things are perceived. Let's say, just for arguments sake, that homosexuality is a disease, should people with cancer be cast from God's hand since they are diseased as well? Let's say for arguments sake it's a choice, should all Christians other than Roman Catholics be cast from his hand because they chose to interpret the Word differently. I just find it rather hypocritical that a religion whose in it's early days followers were cast to the lions dens, and sought acceptance and the right to believe as they saw fit, would show the same lack of acceptance to a group who seek only acceptance. Acceptance and fair treatment. They want to marry and enter into a monogamous loving relationship, and the government, because of it's Christian influence, denies them that right. There is no other form of couple denied that right. Gays are constantly labeled as wrong, immoral, dirty, permiscuous, and spreaders of disease. All of which are completely ignorant. And that is where my problem lies. The ignorance of the masses. The masses that in this case are Christians. People who can put so much faith in a 2000 year old document, but not in scientific findings as recent as this year. If you are willing to accept some finds and not others where is the line drawn? Where it suits you. And if it continued to be preached that gays are wrong and immoral, ignorant masses will continue to hate and mistreat them."

So, what are your thoughts?

A funny story and some other stuff too...

Ok, here is the funny story I mentioned the other day... Skoobi and I were in the park early, before 7am doing our "lake laps." During our walks, I'm doing one of two things... thinking deeply/praying or yelling at the dog. It goes something like "God, thanks for today and the beautiful - SKOOBI STOP EATING THE GARBAGE! - sunrise. STOP PULLING ON THE LEASH! - Father - DO NOT JUMP ON THE JOGGER! And Lord, I thank you for your grace... SKOOBI!" You get the picture.

Anyways, we've been walking on the path that goes closest to the lake. Skoobi was actually behaving and I was lost in thought, when at the shoreline, there was a rustling and a huge commotion. Now, I don't know how this is possible, but within no more than a few seconds, all the following thoughts went through my head... "Oh my gosh! It's a gator! Why are we walking so close to the lake, I know better than that! We have to get away, I have to save Skoobi. She can run fast, I should just drop the leash, but NO! She'll try to fight the gator and then I'll have to watch her die... I have to pull her, where should we go? There's no tree to climb... I couldn't leave Skoobi anyway... wait a minute... I'm in Croatia... it's a pond and it's 30 degrees outside. There are no gators in Croatia... what the heck?" So I look towards the shoreline, sigh and shake my head "You stupid, stupid ducks..."

I guess it just goes to show you can take the girl out of Florida, but you can't take Florida out of the girl... :)

So lately I've been reading a lot of blogs. Not that I'm wasting time or anything, but I've run out of books to read, and there are some really great blogs out there. Some of them have really touched me deeply in the areas of where I struggle the most. There is a great series on Psalm 51 at Paul Tripp Ministries. There are two great blogs for single women at The Purple Cellar and Solo Femininity Two of my favorite theological ones are Between Two Worlds and Reformation Theology There are a few others, but this will do for now... I hope you can browse through a couple of their posts... it's really great stuff.

More soon!

Thoughts to Ponder...

The follwing two paragraphs are taken from the Internet Monk website (www.internetmonk.com), and is from a 2004 essay called “When I Am Weak” I would love it if I could get some discussion going about it. It was reposted today on the website in regards to the whole thing with Ted Haggard... not that that has to be a part of the discussion. For me, it deals with a lot of thoughts I've struggled with the past year... And I think it also goes back to one of Jocelyn's blogs (for those of you who read her blog) about how we aren't honest with each other as Christians, and often hide the truth when we struggle for fear of what all the other "good Chriistians" will think, and more sadly, how they will judge... Anyways, here are the paragraphs from the Internet Monk:

"Evangelicals love a testimony of how screwed up I USED to be. They aren’t interested in how screwed up I am NOW. But the fact is, that we are screwed up. Then. Now. All the time in between and, it’s a safe bet to assume, the rest of the time we’re alive. But we will pay $400 to go hear a “Bible teacher” tell us how we are only a few verses, prayers and cds away from being a lot better. And we will set quietly, or applaud loudly, when the story is retold. I’m really better now. I’m a good Christian. I’m not a mess anymore. I’m different from other people.

What a crock. Please. Call this off. It’s making me sick. I mean that. It’s affecting me. I’m seeing, in my life and the lives of others, a commitment to lying about our condition that is absolutely pathological. Evangelicals call Bill Clinton a big-time liar about sex? Come on. How many nodding “good Christians” have so much garbage sitting in the middle of their lives that the odor makes it impossible to breathe without gagging. How many of us are addicted to food, porn and shopping? How many of us are depressed, angry, unforgiving and just plain mean? How many of us are a walking, talking course on basic hypocrisy, because we just can’t look at ourselves in the mirror and admit what we a collection of brokenness we’ve become WHILE we called ourselves “good Christians” who want to “witness” to others. Gack. I’m choking just writing this."

"Tvoje oči su posebne..."

"Tvoje oči su posebne..." I don't know how many times the lady at the eye clinic told me that... "Your eyes are special." Since optic terms were never high on my list of Bosnian phrases to learn, I was so thankful my friend Slađan agreed to go with me to the eye clinic to get my eyes checked. I always knew my left eye was much weaker than my right eye, so I decided finally to get it checked out to see if maybe my headaches and watery eyes were because... sigh... I needed glasses.

Turns out my eyes are special because while my right eye is almost perfect, my left eye is quite far from perfect. The lady was trying to explain to me that I have astigmatism, and that I am both near AND farsighted in my left eye... huh?? How can you be both near and farsighted in the same eye? As I gave Slađan a quizzical look, he gave a shrug that basically said "Hey, I'm just the translator." Of course he was trying hard not to die laughing because while he's trying to explain all this serious stuff to me, I'm wearing this contraption on my head and look like a total idiot.

It was obvious to all (including the people on the street who also saw me in the contraption as the woman twirled my chair around, whipped the curtains open, and had me point at cars and tell her what color they were...) I needed glasses. Slađan also helped me pick out my frames as the other lady pulled out these huge purple, plastic things - they were horrid and I'm sure my face showed as much. They had to send my prescription away to get the right lenses since my left eye was so odd. I was so intrigued, when I got home, I immediately went to google and aha! You CAN be both near and farsighted in one eye - here's the definition (from pendletoneye.com): "Just to make things really messy, there are actually people out there with so called "complex astigmatism."  In these people, some distant light rays focus in front of the retina, and some focus behind the retina.  In a way, these people are both nearsighted and farsighted at the same time." I love it- I'm categorized in a small group called "these people!"

I've been thinking about that definition a lot. Especially on my walk home last night, wearing my new glasses and trying not to walk into poles and off the curbs :) People say that the eyes are the window to the soul... Hmmm... well, if you look into my eyes with a strange contraption it's "messy" and "complex." I actually started laughing walking home - wow... isn't THAT the truth! A messy and complex soul. It still makes me smile to think about. I know in real life when I'm trying to figure something out, things get messy - things get cluttered and look out of control. But I know somewhere in the mess is the answer and I just have to wade through it knowing I'll find the answer when God is good and ready to give it to me. And whose soul isn't complex?? I know people say they want "a simple faith," but is faith really ever simple?? Maybe living in Bosnia for five years has made me cynical, but I don't think much of anything in life is simple anymore.

So while I'm still deciding if I like my glasses, I do like the message God sent me through them. My soul is messy and complex - I kind of like it that way. I like how God is helping me sort through the mess and to learn to love my complexities. I like the growth and the strengthening of my faith over these last few months. I'm changing somewhere deep inside, and I think I'm finally liking the person I'm becoming...

(Thanks for taking the picture Tiffany!! Tiffany got high-speed internet today... I was there and it was a time of both rejoicing for Tiffany and having a pity party for myself... I must go and dial-up now.)

1825 days later... ponderings of the me...

Can you believe it?? Five years (or 1825 days) in Bosnia... Here's a picture from about 1800 days ago - me leaving for my very first Bosnian class :)



Looking at the picture, I realize how far I've come, how far I need to go, and how I really need to update my hairstyle and wardrobe. I don't think I have any pictures of me without my hair pinned back and me not wearing a white t-shirt (or in the winter, with a grey sweatshirt over the white t-shirt). It's kind of weird to look at the picture because my train of thought goes something like "Hmmm... I was 29 then, and so now that makes me 34. THIRTY FOUR. Am I middle age yet? If I am middle aged, am I suppose to be having a crisis? Should I send out a support letter stating I'm having a mid-life crisis and request funds for a little red corvette? Why would I rather have a mini-van than a corvette? What is WRONG with me??"

But really, when I reflect upon the last five years, I am left amazed. I feel like writing a book - "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." Oh wait, that's already been used. It's true though. I've had some of my best times here, and some of my absolute worst. I think the best out number the worst, but who's counting? Thankfully I've woken up thinking "Wow, this is the coolest job in the world" many more times than I have gotten up thinking "Bosnia? What in the heck am I doing in Bosnia?" Honestly, I usually wake up thinking "Why am I up so early?" or "Why is Skoobi's paw in my face?" but that's not the point I'm trying to get across.

Actually, I don't know what the point is. All I can say is that I am no longer the person in that photgraph. I have been tested and pulled and stretched in ways I could never imagine. I often wonder, "If I knew then what I know now, would I still have come to Bosnia?" I think I would. I hope I would. Within all the mess and pain of the pulling and testing and stretching - there's joy. And there's hope. There's also a trust that I didn't know I had - so much so, I know it has to be a gift from God. And I don't know if I would have found that trust (or if I would have been given that gift) if I hadn't come here. I've had to learn to trust God in new and deep ways. I've had to trust my supporters to send in their gifts. I've had to trust my family and friends - that they could and would love me and care for me from afar. It hasn't always been easy to trust when the support levels were low, and the mailbox was empty, and the phone didn't ring, and when God seemed to disappear and leave me hanging mid-air.

I've learned that I can't just trust when things are going well. I can't just trust when my account overflows with financial gifts. I have to trust when I have six cents in my account and it's only half whay through the the month. I can't just trust when my phone rings off the hook, I get 3 packages a week, and 20 emails every day. I have to trust when there is silence and the lonliness is crushing me from all sides. I can't just trust when I have a packed church to attend with really cool music and an awesome sermon and loads of fellowship on Sunday mornings. I have to trust when I sit in the office alone, and it's just me and God for church because no one else decided to show up. Those are the most important lessons I've learned. I don't think I would have learned them anywhere else. And I'm thankful I've learned them.

So, here I sit - five years and a whole other person later. Rejoice with me today in God's love and provision. May He bless you as He's blessed me - with much joy, hope, and trust. Thank you for trusting God and for taking this journey with me... here's to 1825 more days!