My First Tagging...

I've been tagged by Germaine on her blog. I don't really know what that means, but I will follow the directions and comply only because it's G.

this is what I was informed that I needed to do…

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 random things, facts, goals, or habits about yourself. At the end, choose anyone you think may answer - to be tagged, listing their names & why you chose them. You can’t tag a person who has tagged you.

1. Sadly, I like reality shows like Survivor and Top Chef... It's so pathetic, I'm ashamed to even write it. I even go to the websites to get all the Survivor gossip and watch "after the show is over" video. It borders on addiction.

2. I hate do-it-yourself shows... most people just watch and never really do-it-themselves.

3. For those of you who don't know, I have a dog and I love her very much. I have come to realize though I am not the pack the leader and I have much to learn from The Dog Whisperer. Skoobi must learn she is not the boss of me. I like the Dog Whisperer.

4. I'm in a very strange place in my life now, being pulled in many directions and not knowing which way to go. And I have no clue which way I want to go. I have no clue which way God wants me to go.

5. One of my favorite things to eat is white bread dipped in vinegar.

6. I'd like to travel to the southernmost point in Chile. I'd also like to go to Iceland and Poland. I didn't travel enough when I lived in Europe - another regret to add to my growing list.

7. I hate walnuts.

8. I bought a $100 Liz Claiborne purse at the Salvation Army for $10. I usually wouldn't even spend $10 on a purse, but I needed a nice one to take with me on job interviews. The salvation army rocks.

9. I can't believe I have to go on job interviews. I never thought at 36 I'd be looking to start a second career... I'm having a hard time with that - should I go back to school, should I go right into teaching, should I take a year off and just work a 'mindless' job while I transition back to life here? I have no idea...

10. I used to be a morning person, but now I'm a night person - if I fall asleep, that is. Now it just seems I'm a perpetually groggy grumpy person.

Ok, so now I have to pick people to tag... I suppose they need to have a blog and read my blog... slim pickens...

ok, so, um, in no particular order...

Jana W
Janelle B
Belinda

I can't think of anyone else who wouldn't be annoyed with me for picking them, so I'll leave it at these three for now... :)

I had flowers...

Pretty flowers growing in the yard... yellow, purple, pink. Even two daffodils. The tulips were coming up, and I was hoping they would bloom before I leave next week.

But alas...

It's snowing.

Yesterday it was sunny and I was out doing errands, walking in the sun and the relative warmth. I didn't need or want a jacket.

But now it's snowing.

I also have a very bad sore throat and a cough. I really hope it goes away before I fly next week.

This time next week, I will be over the Atlantic with my dog in the cargo bay. Hopefully we will both be sleeping.

I do know when we get to Florida, it won't be snowing. My flipflops are packed on top of the suitcase. I'm so excited not to have to wear socks when I get to America. Socks are evil. I'm wearing them now, though, hoping they will make my throat feel better.

I can't believe I'm sick, and I really can't believe it's snowing. Ok, I suppose I can believe it's snowing because I already gave my winter coat away. Maybe that's why I'm sick.

Blah

Bittersweet

I made it to Bosnia safely last night. It was an uneventful trip which is always good. In ways it was almost if I had never left. My favorite mountains, my favorite bend in the river, all the trash in the river... It was kind of nice to sit in a smoke-filled restaurant for dinner last night. My clothes still smell like the burning cigarettes. It's not a smell I thought I would miss.

I've missed the character and charm of Bosnia. There is just something about this country that grabs you and wont let you go. I can't believe I haven't been here in over a year. A lot has changed, but so much remains the same. I knew I missed living here, but I didn't know how much till we crossed the border (and a smooth crossing it was, I may add).

I'm looking forward to seeing more friends today and the rest of the week. I wish my trip could be longer, but I'll just have to try to fit as much in as I can. I probably won't post again till I get back to Croatia, but then I'll post with pictures.

Till the weekend...

I need help, and you could win a prize in the process...

Apparently my creative juices just aren't flowing today... well, it's been a couple of days. I'm trying to come up with a snazzy name for my newsletters and email updates and such... but I am at a loss. I can't think of anything fun that goes with "LeAnne" or "Varaždin" or "Croatia" or "Hrvatska" "Croatian Chronicles" is just kind of lame, but you get the picture of what I'm looking for... I need your submissions really, really soon... like within 36 hours :) If I pick your name as the winning name, you'll get something. I don't know what, but I promise I'll send you something!

OK... I'm waiting! :)

Srellik tekcaj wolley

So the yellow jacket killers are coming tomorrow morning to kill my yellow jackets. They came today to assess the situation. When the one guy saw them and figured out what they were he jokingly said to the other guy in Croatian "Ah... now I see what she meant by 'they're like bees but more dangerous.'" I thought "like bees but more dangerous" was a pretty good explanation since I was lacking in the knowledge of the word for yellow jackets in Croatian. Actually, they just used the regular word for "wasp." I could have done that...

I also should stop researching about things I don't know anything about. I'm starting to think education isn't all it's cracked up to be... I mean, did I really need to search Wikipedia about yellow jackaets and learn: "...from this time until her death in the autumn, the queen remains inside the nest laying eggs. The colony then expands rapidly reaching a maximum size of 4,000 and 5,000 workers and a nest of 10,000 and 15,000 cells in August and early September. At peak size, reproductive cells are built with new males and queens produced. Adult reproductives remain in the nest fed by the workers." I could have 4000-5000 yellow jackets living in the roof of my house. Do you know how much stress that brings me?

So tonight I'm going through the rest of the house (I'll take a picture of the living room floor and all the dead yellow jackets before I clean them up tomorrow) and plug up any holes I think may lead to the outside. I've sprayed all my shutters with Raid and the screens as well and shut the windows up tight. I have to decided where to put myself and Skoobi tomorrow while they kill the bugs... it will either be in the bathroom or in my bedroom. I have one hole in the bedroom I need to seal tonight. The whole thing has me really nervous, actually. I'm hoping they are confined to that one part of the house, and they all just die immediately and there isn't any swarming or anything. I have no idea how this works. The men were really nice though, and I asked if Skoobi and I needed to leave, and they assured me we would be ok in the house.

I think Skoobi and I will sit in the bathtub, me with a can of Raid in each hand. And even though I'm tempted, I am not going to do the research on the over-inhalation of bug killer fumes... sigh. Tune in tomorrow to see how it goes... if I don't post, it's probably a bad thing.

stekcaj wolley

My newest problem looks pretty cool spelled backwards - actually looks kind of Slavic, a bit more on the Polish side. And I don't really know why I'm suddenly spelling things backwards. Can you develop OCD later in life? Or maybe it's just a denial of reality... would I rather deal with stekcaj wolley or with yellow jackets?

So I seem to have a colony of yellow jackets living in my house. Yes, that would be IN my house. Apparently they are living between the outside wall and the inside wall of my living room, and are finding their way into the living room through little cracks and such. I've just come to this realization in the last 24 hours, so it's all just kind of sinking in. I have the living room shut up tight, and got a number to call a bug person in the morning. Problem is I need to get into the living room to pull out a few things and to set the VCR to tape my favorite TV show tonight. I'm hoping a friend will be able to come over later and "cover me" with a can of Raid while I run in, grab the stuff and set up the VCR. I know you must be thinking I'm nuts to want to set-up the TV, but it's the series finally tonight and the show isn't on till 2am. Heck, I'm a quick draw with the remote. I can be in and out in 30 seconds flat :)

I know the yellow jackets aren't a huge deal (ok, they can potentially be a huge deal, and I don't want me or Skoobi to get hurt), but it really has me down. It's one of those things where you're tottering on the fence - if you fall one way, you burst into laughter. You fall the other way, you burst into tears. And I guess it's not just the yellow jackets... did you even have one of those days where you wake up and you just know it's going to be a great day? The sun is shining, you're rested, everything is great. The five minutes into the day you stub your toe... five minutes later you burn your hand on a pan, 10 minutes later the dog is fighting with a cat, an hour later you get a phone call and your late for a meeting you didn't know you had, then you get an email with bad news... I woke up bright and cheery Sunday morning, and ever since it's just been one thing after the other. Nothing in and of itself is particularly horrible, but now I'm just tired and not so cheerful.

I am thankful that the YJs stayed outside till Jim and Carole left. I'm thankful I can close off that room. I'm thankful I finally bought a freezer yesterday. And I suppose I'm even thankful for the new bag of about 20 tomatoes my neighbor just gave me :) And I'm thankful for all the tomato recipes (and now to have a freezer to put all my creations in). So, I know overall, life is pretty good. Well, I know in my head that life is pretty good. I just have to figure out why my heart won't believe it.

"Redips" is "spideR" spelled backwards... I'll never double-dip again...

Ok, so I just did another stupid thing. No, I didn't tell my neighbor I loved some other vegetable :) I was going to blog about spiders. I hate spiders. Growing up, my dad said there were three kinds of screams 1) the bug scream, 2) the roach scream, and 3) the spider scream. You see, even though my parents have now lived in the same house for 30 years, way back in the day when they bought it, the people before us raised spiders. OK, the thought of that makes me want to vomit. But anyways, we used to have these HUGE nasty black HUGE spiders just come out of no where in the house (insert full-body-convulsion shake here). And even 30 years later, every once in a while, one still crawls out of the wood-work (no wonder I moved half-way around the world!).

Back to the stupid thing. Yesterday there was a well-sized spider in my bedroom. Not just in my bedroom... it was on my bed! I soaked my sheets with Raid. But I overcame the heebie-jeebies and slept ok last night considering the tingling sensations that woke me up a couple of times through out the night. Eeeeeeeek. So, today I was in there hanging some clothes when another freaking spider crawled out from under the bed! Thank God I had my Swiffer mop thing right there and I was able to crushed him before he actually touched me (insert another full-body-convulsion shake here). So, then I proceed to finish off the can of Raid by spraying under the bed, the curtains, the window pane and even the glass, the bottom of the closet, behind the closet, in the corners... how sad that I would rather poison my self with... poison... then to deal with spiders. Oh, I hate spiders...

I haven't even GOT to the stupid thing I did... so here it is. As I sat down to write this post, I thought it would be "fun" to find a picture of a spider to put with it. So I googled "spider" and then clicked the "image" button. Goooooooooodness - what was I thinking?? Do you know what kind of images popped up on my computer? SPIDERS!! Lots of scary spiders in bathrooms, and on people, and really really big ones... that's what nightmares are made of!

So now I need to go watch something pleasant on TV or something to get those spider images out of my mind or I seriously won't go to sleep tonight. Maybe I should go rent "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" :) Oh, and by the way, thanks for all the tomato recipes!! I'll be making some of them tomorrow in-between putting netting up on all my windows, stuffing every crack and hole that may possibly lead to the outside with something, and then spraying it all really well with Raid... "Diar" is "raiD" spelled backwards...

Definitions...

The following news story is from my Croatian news website -

-----------------------------------------
Fired Eight Shots In Unwed Spouse

Thursday morning at 8 o’clock AM in downtown Slavonski Brod, a man armed with a pistol fired eight shots at his 35-year-old, unwed spouse, after which he turned himself in to police.

It is believed that the incident followed a short argument between the two, possibly sparked after the end of their relationship.

The woman was wounded in the chest and stomach, and after undergoing surgery, is still in critical condition.

County police confirmed that the 41-year-old used an unregistered weapon, and will be charged with attempted murder.
-------------------------------------------------

OK, so what exactly is an unwed spouse??

.

Something to think about...

Well, first, Dad and Belinda were correct - It was Vladimir Putin's motorcade that I was able to see yesterday. Kind of cool. I want helicopters to follow me where ever I go :) And Skoobi, thankfully, seems back to normal today. Yeah!

Anyways, I haven't posted a serious blog in quite a while. So, I have decided to post a blog and hope to get some dialogue going. (Ok, is that how you spell dialogue? That's what it says at dictionary.com, but looks weird to me.) Well, let's get some conversation going :)

So, I received this email a few months back. If it came to you - how would you respond?

"No offense, but I think the Bible is the biggest problem with Christianity. There is just something about a 2000 year old doctrine that is constantly, like you said, misused to prove opinions, governing my personal beliefs, and way of life. I look at it like this. I don't murder people because I feel in my heart murder is wrong. Not because the Bible tells me so. I feel homosexuals are perfectly normal people, that live perfectly normal lives, and are not committing any sort of injustice religious or otherwise because of my interactions with gay people. A truly good person is capable of deciding what is right or wrong by using their own judgment. The Bible is a great guide line for that, but has many obvious flaws and has to be accepted as fallible. Not to mention that time, and information change the way things are perceived. Let's say, just for arguments sake, that homosexuality is a disease, should people with cancer be cast from God's hand since they are diseased as well? Let's say for arguments sake it's a choice, should all Christians other than Roman Catholics be cast from his hand because they chose to interpret the Word differently. I just find it rather hypocritical that a religion whose in it's early days followers were cast to the lions dens, and sought acceptance and the right to believe as they saw fit, would show the same lack of acceptance to a group who seek only acceptance. Acceptance and fair treatment. They want to marry and enter into a monogamous loving relationship, and the government, because of it's Christian influence, denies them that right. There is no other form of couple denied that right. Gays are constantly labeled as wrong, immoral, dirty, permiscuous, and spreaders of disease. All of which are completely ignorant. And that is where my problem lies. The ignorance of the masses. The masses that in this case are Christians. People who can put so much faith in a 2000 year old document, but not in scientific findings as recent as this year. If you are willing to accept some finds and not others where is the line drawn? Where it suits you. And if it continued to be preached that gays are wrong and immoral, ignorant masses will continue to hate and mistreat them."

So, what are your thoughts?

Success...

Ok, so it's probably one of the least attractive pictures I've ever taken of myself, but I just wanted to put a picture of me and the mutt together again :)


Thanks for your prayers. The trip wasn't the best, but it certainly wasn't the worst. At check-in, my bags were all slightly under-weight. That's a first. My flight left Orlando a bit early, so I wasn't worried about making my connection to Frankfurt in Charlotte at all. Ha! I look at my watch after waking from a nap and wonder "Um... why aren't we on the ground?" A few minutes later the pilot comes on and says there is bad weather and everyone is in a holding pattern over South Carolina. He said they estimated the landing time to another 45 minutes. That put us an hour late, but still time to catch my flight. 45 minutes later, we're still in the holding pattern and he gets back on and says "Well, they told us it will be at least another 45 minutes. If it's anything over that, we'll have to divert to Myrtle Beach because that will be the extent of our fuel." You know, you never really want to hear a pilot talk about "the extent of our fuel" even if that extent is longer than you plan on being in the air.

But I digress (as usual)... about 35 minutes into the second 45 minutes, he tells us we have been cleared to land. It was quite turbulent, but I've been in worse. But here's the kicker. We PULL UP to the gate at 4:15. My flight to Frankfurt leaves at 4:30. And of course, we are at the "A" gates, and my flight is at the "D" gates. The flight attendant gets on and says most all of the flights are delayed and to check the monitors when we get to the terminal. Yep... about 95% of the flights were delayed. But no, not mine! So me and this German family start booking it to gate D3. We were still a couple gates away when we heard the last call. But we made it with one person right behind me as the doors closed at 4:35. My first thought when I sat down - "Well, at least I wont' have to worry about my luggage when I get to Zagreb."

The flight is so long, and I didn't sleep as well as I hoped. I did watch the Rocky Balboa movie, and I really liked it. I thought it was very good - a very good ending to the series. Of course after the movie, there was some excitement as a old Indian man started to have chest pains. It looked like they slipped some nitro under his tongue, and apparently that helped.

I still hate Frankfurt airport. It's so confusing and I got lost again, but with plenty of time to catch my flight. That flight was late, but I was just happy to be on the final leg of my journey. I made it though the border with flying colors and a smile from the immigration guy. And then here is another kicker - I don't how in the world this happened, but ALL my luggage arrived with me. I have no idea how they got my stuff from the plane from Charlotte to the Frankfurt plane in 20 minutes. But I must say I was quite impressed.

Skoobi was very happy to see me, as I was her. Magdalena had lunch ready for me which was nice. I broke one of my rules, and after Magdalena left, I laid down and took about an hour nap. I was so insanely tired, I just didn't care. And since Skoobi snuggled up with me, I didn't want to get up and wake her in the process... :)

So, I'm slowly unpacking, trying to figure out why I no longer have CNN on the TV, and writing this blog. I'm going to take Skoobi out for a nice walk in a bit, and then hit the sack early. I'm still tired, and am looking forward to sleeping in my bed tonight.

Thanks for your prayers... I'll be in touch again soon!

Starting over...

I got a new Bible. I've had my other Bible for 12 years... It's been kind of strange sitting here tonight "cleaning it out" and seeing what has gathered in it over the past 12 years. Dried flowers from who knows where... newspaper clippings that I have no idea why I saved...notes in the margin like "jan 12 '96 - a really bad day" I guess it's good I can't remember what happened :) There's also one that says "you'll never forget this day - april 11" Guess what? No clue what happened that day either. It was written next to a lamenting Psalm... I wonder if it was worse than Jan 12...

But it's fun to look at all the sermon notes I have and remember all the really good teaching I've been blessed with through the years. It's amazing - all the different color highlights and underlines... makes the pages rather pretty. It's interesting to see what I underlined. It must be really important if it's underlined AND highlighted. My new Bible is going to feel like it's naked with its crisp, new pages and no colors - my second favorite thing about my new Bible is that the words of Jesus are NOT typed in red. I think that's so cool.

So, now I'm trying to figure out, with a new Bible, do you transfer all your notes or do you just start over? I'm torn. I'm never getting rid of my old Bible, so I'll always have my notes and memories (even the ones I can't remember!). I have some really good stuff written in the margins of my old Bible from pastors, seminary professors, friends, and myself. I know I want to transfer some of my stuff - you know, the times I was reading Scripture and God whacked me on the head saying "Open your eyes! See what I'm trying to tell you!" and suddenly I "got it." But what about all the other stuff?? What do you think?

My old Bible is covered in duct tape, and the new one doesn't even have a crease yet. Hopefully it will soon. I keep turning the pages very gently. I need to get over that.

Oh, what's my favorite part of my new Bible? The fact that I do get to fill all those empty margins with the next 12 or so years of my life - the really bad days (that hopefully I'll forget) and the really good ones I'll cherish forever. Years and years of more amazing sermons and Bible studies... and lots of places for many a color of highlighter...

Thoughts to Ponder...

The follwing two paragraphs are taken from the Internet Monk website (www.internetmonk.com), and is from a 2004 essay called “When I Am Weak” I would love it if I could get some discussion going about it. It was reposted today on the website in regards to the whole thing with Ted Haggard... not that that has to be a part of the discussion. For me, it deals with a lot of thoughts I've struggled with the past year... And I think it also goes back to one of Jocelyn's blogs (for those of you who read her blog) about how we aren't honest with each other as Christians, and often hide the truth when we struggle for fear of what all the other "good Chriistians" will think, and more sadly, how they will judge... Anyways, here are the paragraphs from the Internet Monk:

"Evangelicals love a testimony of how screwed up I USED to be. They aren’t interested in how screwed up I am NOW. But the fact is, that we are screwed up. Then. Now. All the time in between and, it’s a safe bet to assume, the rest of the time we’re alive. But we will pay $400 to go hear a “Bible teacher” tell us how we are only a few verses, prayers and cds away from being a lot better. And we will set quietly, or applaud loudly, when the story is retold. I’m really better now. I’m a good Christian. I’m not a mess anymore. I’m different from other people.

What a crock. Please. Call this off. It’s making me sick. I mean that. It’s affecting me. I’m seeing, in my life and the lives of others, a commitment to lying about our condition that is absolutely pathological. Evangelicals call Bill Clinton a big-time liar about sex? Come on. How many nodding “good Christians” have so much garbage sitting in the middle of their lives that the odor makes it impossible to breathe without gagging. How many of us are addicted to food, porn and shopping? How many of us are depressed, angry, unforgiving and just plain mean? How many of us are a walking, talking course on basic hypocrisy, because we just can’t look at ourselves in the mirror and admit what we a collection of brokenness we’ve become WHILE we called ourselves “good Christians” who want to “witness” to others. Gack. I’m choking just writing this."

"Tvoje oči su posebne..."

"Tvoje oči su posebne..." I don't know how many times the lady at the eye clinic told me that... "Your eyes are special." Since optic terms were never high on my list of Bosnian phrases to learn, I was so thankful my friend Slađan agreed to go with me to the eye clinic to get my eyes checked. I always knew my left eye was much weaker than my right eye, so I decided finally to get it checked out to see if maybe my headaches and watery eyes were because... sigh... I needed glasses.

Turns out my eyes are special because while my right eye is almost perfect, my left eye is quite far from perfect. The lady was trying to explain to me that I have astigmatism, and that I am both near AND farsighted in my left eye... huh?? How can you be both near and farsighted in the same eye? As I gave Slađan a quizzical look, he gave a shrug that basically said "Hey, I'm just the translator." Of course he was trying hard not to die laughing because while he's trying to explain all this serious stuff to me, I'm wearing this contraption on my head and look like a total idiot.

It was obvious to all (including the people on the street who also saw me in the contraption as the woman twirled my chair around, whipped the curtains open, and had me point at cars and tell her what color they were...) I needed glasses. Slađan also helped me pick out my frames as the other lady pulled out these huge purple, plastic things - they were horrid and I'm sure my face showed as much. They had to send my prescription away to get the right lenses since my left eye was so odd. I was so intrigued, when I got home, I immediately went to google and aha! You CAN be both near and farsighted in one eye - here's the definition (from pendletoneye.com): "Just to make things really messy, there are actually people out there with so called "complex astigmatism."  In these people, some distant light rays focus in front of the retina, and some focus behind the retina.  In a way, these people are both nearsighted and farsighted at the same time." I love it- I'm categorized in a small group called "these people!"

I've been thinking about that definition a lot. Especially on my walk home last night, wearing my new glasses and trying not to walk into poles and off the curbs :) People say that the eyes are the window to the soul... Hmmm... well, if you look into my eyes with a strange contraption it's "messy" and "complex." I actually started laughing walking home - wow... isn't THAT the truth! A messy and complex soul. It still makes me smile to think about. I know in real life when I'm trying to figure something out, things get messy - things get cluttered and look out of control. But I know somewhere in the mess is the answer and I just have to wade through it knowing I'll find the answer when God is good and ready to give it to me. And whose soul isn't complex?? I know people say they want "a simple faith," but is faith really ever simple?? Maybe living in Bosnia for five years has made me cynical, but I don't think much of anything in life is simple anymore.

So while I'm still deciding if I like my glasses, I do like the message God sent me through them. My soul is messy and complex - I kind of like it that way. I like how God is helping me sort through the mess and to learn to love my complexities. I like the growth and the strengthening of my faith over these last few months. I'm changing somewhere deep inside, and I think I'm finally liking the person I'm becoming...

(Thanks for taking the picture Tiffany!! Tiffany got high-speed internet today... I was there and it was a time of both rejoicing for Tiffany and having a pity party for myself... I must go and dial-up now.)

1825 days later... ponderings of the me...

Can you believe it?? Five years (or 1825 days) in Bosnia... Here's a picture from about 1800 days ago - me leaving for my very first Bosnian class :)



Looking at the picture, I realize how far I've come, how far I need to go, and how I really need to update my hairstyle and wardrobe. I don't think I have any pictures of me without my hair pinned back and me not wearing a white t-shirt (or in the winter, with a grey sweatshirt over the white t-shirt). It's kind of weird to look at the picture because my train of thought goes something like "Hmmm... I was 29 then, and so now that makes me 34. THIRTY FOUR. Am I middle age yet? If I am middle aged, am I suppose to be having a crisis? Should I send out a support letter stating I'm having a mid-life crisis and request funds for a little red corvette? Why would I rather have a mini-van than a corvette? What is WRONG with me??"

But really, when I reflect upon the last five years, I am left amazed. I feel like writing a book - "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." Oh wait, that's already been used. It's true though. I've had some of my best times here, and some of my absolute worst. I think the best out number the worst, but who's counting? Thankfully I've woken up thinking "Wow, this is the coolest job in the world" many more times than I have gotten up thinking "Bosnia? What in the heck am I doing in Bosnia?" Honestly, I usually wake up thinking "Why am I up so early?" or "Why is Skoobi's paw in my face?" but that's not the point I'm trying to get across.

Actually, I don't know what the point is. All I can say is that I am no longer the person in that photgraph. I have been tested and pulled and stretched in ways I could never imagine. I often wonder, "If I knew then what I know now, would I still have come to Bosnia?" I think I would. I hope I would. Within all the mess and pain of the pulling and testing and stretching - there's joy. And there's hope. There's also a trust that I didn't know I had - so much so, I know it has to be a gift from God. And I don't know if I would have found that trust (or if I would have been given that gift) if I hadn't come here. I've had to learn to trust God in new and deep ways. I've had to trust my supporters to send in their gifts. I've had to trust my family and friends - that they could and would love me and care for me from afar. It hasn't always been easy to trust when the support levels were low, and the mailbox was empty, and the phone didn't ring, and when God seemed to disappear and leave me hanging mid-air.

I've learned that I can't just trust when things are going well. I can't just trust when my account overflows with financial gifts. I have to trust when I have six cents in my account and it's only half whay through the the month. I can't just trust when my phone rings off the hook, I get 3 packages a week, and 20 emails every day. I have to trust when there is silence and the lonliness is crushing me from all sides. I can't just trust when I have a packed church to attend with really cool music and an awesome sermon and loads of fellowship on Sunday mornings. I have to trust when I sit in the office alone, and it's just me and God for church because no one else decided to show up. Those are the most important lessons I've learned. I don't think I would have learned them anywhere else. And I'm thankful I've learned them.

So, here I sit - five years and a whole other person later. Rejoice with me today in God's love and provision. May He bless you as He's blessed me - with much joy, hope, and trust. Thank you for trusting God and for taking this journey with me... here's to 1825 more days!