1825 days later... ponderings of the me...

Can you believe it?? Five years (or 1825 days) in Bosnia... Here's a picture from about 1800 days ago - me leaving for my very first Bosnian class :)



Looking at the picture, I realize how far I've come, how far I need to go, and how I really need to update my hairstyle and wardrobe. I don't think I have any pictures of me without my hair pinned back and me not wearing a white t-shirt (or in the winter, with a grey sweatshirt over the white t-shirt). It's kind of weird to look at the picture because my train of thought goes something like "Hmmm... I was 29 then, and so now that makes me 34. THIRTY FOUR. Am I middle age yet? If I am middle aged, am I suppose to be having a crisis? Should I send out a support letter stating I'm having a mid-life crisis and request funds for a little red corvette? Why would I rather have a mini-van than a corvette? What is WRONG with me??"

But really, when I reflect upon the last five years, I am left amazed. I feel like writing a book - "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." Oh wait, that's already been used. It's true though. I've had some of my best times here, and some of my absolute worst. I think the best out number the worst, but who's counting? Thankfully I've woken up thinking "Wow, this is the coolest job in the world" many more times than I have gotten up thinking "Bosnia? What in the heck am I doing in Bosnia?" Honestly, I usually wake up thinking "Why am I up so early?" or "Why is Skoobi's paw in my face?" but that's not the point I'm trying to get across.

Actually, I don't know what the point is. All I can say is that I am no longer the person in that photgraph. I have been tested and pulled and stretched in ways I could never imagine. I often wonder, "If I knew then what I know now, would I still have come to Bosnia?" I think I would. I hope I would. Within all the mess and pain of the pulling and testing and stretching - there's joy. And there's hope. There's also a trust that I didn't know I had - so much so, I know it has to be a gift from God. And I don't know if I would have found that trust (or if I would have been given that gift) if I hadn't come here. I've had to learn to trust God in new and deep ways. I've had to trust my supporters to send in their gifts. I've had to trust my family and friends - that they could and would love me and care for me from afar. It hasn't always been easy to trust when the support levels were low, and the mailbox was empty, and the phone didn't ring, and when God seemed to disappear and leave me hanging mid-air.

I've learned that I can't just trust when things are going well. I can't just trust when my account overflows with financial gifts. I have to trust when I have six cents in my account and it's only half whay through the the month. I can't just trust when my phone rings off the hook, I get 3 packages a week, and 20 emails every day. I have to trust when there is silence and the lonliness is crushing me from all sides. I can't just trust when I have a packed church to attend with really cool music and an awesome sermon and loads of fellowship on Sunday mornings. I have to trust when I sit in the office alone, and it's just me and God for church because no one else decided to show up. Those are the most important lessons I've learned. I don't think I would have learned them anywhere else. And I'm thankful I've learned them.

So, here I sit - five years and a whole other person later. Rejoice with me today in God's love and provision. May He bless you as He's blessed me - with much joy, hope, and trust. Thank you for trusting God and for taking this journey with me... here's to 1825 more days!