"Tvoje oči su posebne..."

"Tvoje oči su posebne..." I don't know how many times the lady at the eye clinic told me that... "Your eyes are special." Since optic terms were never high on my list of Bosnian phrases to learn, I was so thankful my friend Slađan agreed to go with me to the eye clinic to get my eyes checked. I always knew my left eye was much weaker than my right eye, so I decided finally to get it checked out to see if maybe my headaches and watery eyes were because... sigh... I needed glasses.

Turns out my eyes are special because while my right eye is almost perfect, my left eye is quite far from perfect. The lady was trying to explain to me that I have astigmatism, and that I am both near AND farsighted in my left eye... huh?? How can you be both near and farsighted in the same eye? As I gave Slađan a quizzical look, he gave a shrug that basically said "Hey, I'm just the translator." Of course he was trying hard not to die laughing because while he's trying to explain all this serious stuff to me, I'm wearing this contraption on my head and look like a total idiot.

It was obvious to all (including the people on the street who also saw me in the contraption as the woman twirled my chair around, whipped the curtains open, and had me point at cars and tell her what color they were...) I needed glasses. Slađan also helped me pick out my frames as the other lady pulled out these huge purple, plastic things - they were horrid and I'm sure my face showed as much. They had to send my prescription away to get the right lenses since my left eye was so odd. I was so intrigued, when I got home, I immediately went to google and aha! You CAN be both near and farsighted in one eye - here's the definition (from pendletoneye.com): "Just to make things really messy, there are actually people out there with so called "complex astigmatism."  In these people, some distant light rays focus in front of the retina, and some focus behind the retina.  In a way, these people are both nearsighted and farsighted at the same time." I love it- I'm categorized in a small group called "these people!"

I've been thinking about that definition a lot. Especially on my walk home last night, wearing my new glasses and trying not to walk into poles and off the curbs :) People say that the eyes are the window to the soul... Hmmm... well, if you look into my eyes with a strange contraption it's "messy" and "complex." I actually started laughing walking home - wow... isn't THAT the truth! A messy and complex soul. It still makes me smile to think about. I know in real life when I'm trying to figure something out, things get messy - things get cluttered and look out of control. But I know somewhere in the mess is the answer and I just have to wade through it knowing I'll find the answer when God is good and ready to give it to me. And whose soul isn't complex?? I know people say they want "a simple faith," but is faith really ever simple?? Maybe living in Bosnia for five years has made me cynical, but I don't think much of anything in life is simple anymore.

So while I'm still deciding if I like my glasses, I do like the message God sent me through them. My soul is messy and complex - I kind of like it that way. I like how God is helping me sort through the mess and to learn to love my complexities. I like the growth and the strengthening of my faith over these last few months. I'm changing somewhere deep inside, and I think I'm finally liking the person I'm becoming...

(Thanks for taking the picture Tiffany!! Tiffany got high-speed internet today... I was there and it was a time of both rejoicing for Tiffany and having a pity party for myself... I must go and dial-up now.)