I think sometimes my deep thoughts get me in trouble. So maybe i"m just in denial about my deep thoughts. I think since graduating seminary way back in 1998, I haven't had the opportunity for good discussions. I'm a member of a great church - I love the intellectual aspect of my church. Deep rooted theology, verse-by-verse exegesis of Scripture... it's also a church where I think for the most part, people can be who they really are... sinners saved by grace. I heard or read an argument somewhere about whether Christians are "sinners saved by grace" or "saints who sometimes sin." Technically , we're both. But I think for me, the longer I walk as a Christian, the more I realize what a "sinner saved by grace" I really am. Some people think that's bad... that I have a "bad self image" if I see myself as a sinner. Oh good grief - give me a break. The more I get to know God, and the more I get to know myself, the more I believe in total depravity and the more I believe in irresistable grace. As God searches my heart and shows me just tiny glimpses of what is there - uugh. God searches the heart and sees things we dn't even know are there. Even the things we hide from ourselves, aren't hidden from God.
Light and darkness have been fascinating to me lately... I think how much light one match can bring. How you can be in the darkest of caves, strike a match, and look around, even for just a few seconds, and see so much is amazing. I think that's what God is doing in my heart now - striking matches here and there and saying, "Look LeAnne!" Part of me wants to keep my eyes shut and not know all the mess that is in there. But I know I have to open my eyes - God is there. God is there with light... His LIght. I can't escape His Light anymore than the darkness can. And when I open my eyes - God IS there. He doesn't run from my sin, He doesn't look at me and turn away in disgust, He doesn't abandon me to fight my own fight. And lately when I want to turn and run, it's almost like He holds me there in the darkness until I'm calm and ready to see what he wants to show me.
And the really cool thing is - His matches never seem to go out. They get a little brighter each time I open my eyes, and trust in the One who is holding the match...
Monday, February 27, 2006
Glimpses...
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5 comments:
you know, matches do shed an amazing amount of light in a dark place, but at the same time there's a lot that you can't see. i think that this is a good analogy because if God were to just flip a switch and we saw everything in our lives at once, it would be too much.
Deep thoughts, good thoughts. Thanks for sharing!
jana- that was exactly my point - good job deducing :0) I would never be able to handle it if God just flipped the switch... oh, how horrible that would be... love ya, and see you tomorrow!!!!!
Hey Eliz - I'll email you soon, my friend...
As a youth leader, I am becoming keanly aware at how much kids in this generation have at there disposal. They think nothing of walking into a room and flipping on a light switch or flipping on a television when they need a diversion for a while. As a youth leader, I am trying to instill in my guys a sense of who they are as an individual and that they are special and God does have a plan for them. Kudos to Leanne for bringing up the point that God does not turn away from us when we do and that he is always right there to pull us back on the road. I have told my guys this on occasions when the discussion lends itself and I have to keep reminding myself of this all the time. I think about when sin first entered into the world in the garden and God in his grace had to kill an animal for the skins to cloth Adam and Eve. This is a shining testiment that God is in control and will never leave us out in the cold. And just to think of the chemical processes that go into making a match light is amazing and that God put those thoughts in someones mind to create something like that.
OK, OK, so I made it to your site finally to leave a comment. It wasn't easy because it's blocked from home and it's blocked from work. Nothing personal, all of blogspot is blocked. But I found a way around it.
I have to comment on this post because it's so good. I appreciate your love of the truth, even to the point of seeing just how despicable you are. :)
Like you said, the more we see our sin, the more we see our need for the Savior, the more we see His holiness, the more we see our sin...
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