Guest blogger - Skoobi's Back!

Hello again... Mom decided to let me write about our “little experience” this morning. Let me give you a little background first... Ever since we’ve moved in, we’ve heard a dog at the end of the hall bark every once in a while. We’ve never seen it, but figured it had to be a bigger dog because it has a very deep, throaty bark - the kind that would freak you out if you heard it in a dark alley all alone. But yeah, we hadn’t seen it in the almost month we’ve lived here... that is until 7:15 this morning...

So we leave the apartment for our morning walk and since it’s 7:15am on a Saturday, we try to be extra quiet. Not that I make noise going to the elevator or anything, I just tend to pant loud when I’m excited. Anyways, so we go and mom pushes that button that makes the magic-blue-room-that-moves appear. So we’re waiting (for what my mom now tells me is an elevator), when we hear someone come out of their apartment. And then we hear the unmistakable sound of dog nails walking down the hallway.

I immediately feel the collar around my neck tighten, and I hear mom whisper “Oh dear God, where is the elevator?” And then it happens... the dog paws I heard become visible as they come around the corner and I meet my elusive neighbor for the first time. My collar got tighter as mom said “Oh, this is not good”

If I turned around to see my mom’s face, I’m sure it would have registered a mix of three thoughts... 1) Oh my gosh! It’s a Mastiff! It’s so beautiful! I want to pet it! 2) Oh my gosh! It’s a Mastiff! How can they have such a huge dog in such a small apartment? 3) Oh my gosh, it’s a Mastiff! If Skoobi had pants she’d be crapping in them now... Where is the owner? Why is this dog not on a leash!!!!!

As my choke collar gets tighter, I hear mom say, “Ok Skoobi, it’s ok... don’t bristle your hair like that... no no, growling cannot help the situation... Skoobi, shut up... be calm, it’s ok, it’s ok... WHERE IS THE ELEVATOR? Ok big puppy stay there... wait for your owner... oh no no no... don’t come closer, no please don’t smell my dog... go away... you’re pretty we love you... go away. Where is your owner, no no.. don’t try to smell Skoobi’s butt... Oh Lord thank you the elevator.. oh no, the mastiff is in front of the elevator... NO! NO barking Skoobi... Oh Lord everyone hates me cause she woke up the whole apartment building ... Skoobi don’t pull, you already can’t breathe... STOP SMELLING MY DOG... Please leave my dog alone, please go away... Oh thank God the owner... Hi... yes, my dog doesn’t like big dogs... oh it’s ok, no no - you all take the elevator... no problem, she’s fine...”

My thoughts on the situation were: “Oh... so you’re that dog I hear barking... think you’re so hot, don’t you? You think you’re so big - ha. I’ll take you down, I’ll take you down to Chihuahua town. You’re not so big, you’re not so big... of course I’m getting tunnel vision cause I can’t breathe because my mother has a death grip on my choke collar... You want that magic-blue-room-that-moves? You’re gonna have to take me down first. Oh you wanna smell me? You ain’t smelling my butt big boy... You see the hair standing on the back of my neck, yeah, buddy you so lucky my mama is holding me back, you wanna here MY bark - grrrrrWOOOOOF (echo, echo, echo echo...) let me at him mom... I’ll take him... Aw dang it... the woman put a leash on him... aw man... why do they get the elevator? What? Don’t apologize for me - I’ll kick that mastiff in the... ah air... thank God - mom finally let go of the choke collar.

So anyways, we waited for the elevator to come back and I sniffed that thing all the way down eight flights. The rest of our walk was quite uneventful, for which I think my mom was very grateful. Mom was talking to herself most of the walk... she says my name a lot... Skoobi... blah blah blah... I pretend to listen but am more concerned with finding the perfect blade of grass to pee on... I do remember her saying “We do NOT go after dogs that weigh 200 pounds more than you do... are you freaking INSANE? We also do not antagonize German Shepherds like you did yesterday” Sigh...

All’s well that ends well... I could’ve taken the mastiff... and the shepherd...